Another week in hospital!

So we went to Leeds on Monday expecting surgery on Tuesday, but when we got there the surgeon refused to do it and thought it would cause more issues. He did agree to do a pouchoscopy, in which they found I had some small ulcers in the pouch and some more nastier ones above the pouch in the small bowel. They think this is either chemo related or possibly my colitis has turned into chrons, but we will have to wait till biopsies come back, either way though the surgery they didn't think would be beneficial and probably likely cause more issues! Spoken to oncology yesterday, and even though they said before they wouldn't do anymore without things changing because of how ill I was last time,they are wanting to try it still as it's the only option they have. They have warned us it will be high risk and that all the previous risks are still possible, they're going to try come up with some ideas to monitor me better, but they can't guarantee anything, so some big decisions in the next few days lie ahead... So the two options effectively are to risk having the treatment, get the unbearable pain where I am just screaming, getting so ill I am on ITU and chance of not getting through it anyway or stop and try and enjoy what time I have left, to some this probably seems an obvious decision but If you could actually see the pain and suffering I've been through, you'd realize this is a really tough decision!